Here is an attempt to capture moments of my reality... A diary of the very things I never pay attention to - uncensored and rough. Thoughts and details I would never think of adding or dwell on... It's probably the most boring thing to do, but I'm still trying to figure out the meaning of absolutely everything in the world and so it is I have to start somewhere (which would be me)... It's a little experiment, really. I am, after all, always ready to become my own guinea pig to push the boundless limits of my mind.

Thursday 31 March 2011

Dreaming... dreaming... dreamed...



Dreams... A distortion of reality as we live it?

I saw things, beautiful things - in my mind's eye... and then they were gone, these beautiful visions, replaced with versions of your reality.

Your reality is cold and implacable. Your reality dictates that everything should revolve around profit and personal gain of some sort.

Reality is so cold... Frozen with the same old 'feelings', really. I dare YOU to try and narrow down what feelings people actually get to experience in this reality when they are above the poverty line (meaning when they are above basic instincts of seeking food, or refuge, for mere survival)... What is it that repeats itself over and over again in this world - what makes this whole world turn?

Greed. Want. Profit of some sort - be it purely personal or genetically-based ( I mean by that wanting to secure the best for some so-called progeny, or 'children').

I am SO sick of all of you... no one has any idea how sick I am of you lot. Yeah, all of you. None of you is strong. None of you is ready to die for what makes sense, what is simply righter than wrong... I'm not even saying 'what's right', I'm saying what's 'righter' than wrong.

Oh, but wait, I can hear it already, the same old excuse I used to give to myself... 'but I'm too small and insignificant to be able to do anything'... Yeah, I know that one really well, you see. I used to tell myself just that. Well, guess what, I say fuck off to that pathetic excuse. We are I, and we can do anything in this world... we really can.. because we are I...

The only reason we feel overwhelmed by this corrupted world is because we allow it to destroy this notion of together-ness, this... notion of a whole even beyond the fact that each of us is one.

I know this, and you know this too, deep down. So why is all this bullshit happening?

I'll rest my case soon, but not just yet.


From this gloomy and sombre night
A thousand and one glass eyes at a stand-still
In the distance;

Across the dead city
Wrapped in its ebony shroud,
A thousand and one icy lights shimmer.

Such a sinister picture painted
From the grey, moaning window,
All these yellow eyes staring at me
In spite of white curtains waving
Akin to dead eyelids…

To reach beyond the dreadful black veil
Shared only by rust-covered iron lions,
A soothing music luring me away
To see at last the true sun
Glowing,
Scorching,
Melting away the icy walls,
Tearing away at each ghastly shroud
That haunts the beyond of my sobbing window.

Tuesday 1 March 2011

01/03/2011

Still listening to a song that takes me back in time. The song in question is this one.

Funny how songs or music in general manage so well to capture memories in time... but not just images - oh no... Not just that. A song or music can capture an exact moment, including a scene, a scent, the emotions experienced, even the things said or thought at the time. Just like good wine, the key to preserving such moments captured in music is to let that piece of music be 'forgotten' for a long time so that the memory attached to it will grow in strength and power. After a few years, listening to it again is garrantied to make the precise captured moment come back to mind at once. Well, that's how it works for me anyway.

I wonder... about so many things... It's night again in the city but the sky is a starless sheet of darkness.

Let's light up a candle and let it rest by the silent window, and as we let it burn to nothingness, let the mind escape and dream of things that will be, and of all those that never will.