So many things I thought were true turned out to be so wrong, or flawed... So many things I wished for... but the monster that swallows all of our dreams swallowed mine, too. People always discriminate against each other - that's almost as if that ability was in our genes, and maybe it is - but the monster never does. It hits each and every one of us regardless of anything.
There is this picture of me as a kid sitting down right on the floor in the middle of the living room, holding my old cat prisoner between my knees as we both sit in front of a cage holding three tiny hamsters prisoners inside it, and I'm gazing up at the camera with defiant eyes. If I could go back in time and talk to that little girl, I would warn her, even though I already know she would never listen. I would tell her to be mindful of that gaze about her, and those dreams I know she nurtured within her so ardently... because I know what happens next while she doesn't - because she still believes in fairytales, and she still lives trapped in her own universe.
It's nobody's fault. It's this life, the way it exists in itself, the way it works like clockwork, and we are just the loose element within that world...
I am tired. I am less and less able to relate to the person I used to be, and at the same time I know that who I am now is better than who I was before... should it matter, then? Probably not, I guess.
Someone once said that you have to reach the bottom of the ocean before you can make your way back to the surface, and it feels kind of right. Yes, maybe it is right... I don't know.
I don't know.
The only thing I'm certain of is that I don't know.
Things happen, things break. Nothing ever lasts. I know the only reason things don't last is because we want them to break in some way. I know that alone I can't make anything last or be good for long. I know that. I know too many things I wish I didn't know.
But maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm wrong about absolutely everything I ever thought I knew, and because I fear this could well be the case I think I should shut up for a while.
Dear unknown reader, I'm outta here.
Good day
Good night
Good bye.
Good night
Good bye.
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