Here is an attempt to capture moments of my reality... A diary of the very things I never pay attention to - uncensored and rough. Thoughts and details I would never think of adding or dwell on... It's probably the most boring thing to do, but I'm still trying to figure out the meaning of absolutely everything in the world and so it is I have to start somewhere (which would be me)... It's a little experiment, really. I am, after all, always ready to become my own guinea pig to push the boundless limits of my mind.

Tuesday 8 February 2011

08/02/2011



I had a night plagued with strange dreams… In the first one, I was in Paris, walking past my old music school or conservatoire. I wasn't alone, there was someone else with me, and I offered to have a look inside just to see how much it had changed in all the years that had passed. As we walked in, the main hall was exactly as I still remember it, crowded with parents and children, and dark walls covered in sheets of paper with lists of names and exam grades. I remember taking the person's hand and we ventured all the way to the upper floor where the teaching of theory used to take place. My focus in the dream by then shifted on how it felt to be holding someone else's hand, and I literally focused on every single sensation and feeling that gesture evoked in me... and then the dream morphed into a completely different one.

In that next dream, I was standing by large bay windows with a view on the sea in the distance, and I was watching massive waves swell upwards only to collapse on themselves and swell up again. The thought “These waves must be great for surfing” came to mind… and then I decided to explore the place by going up on the roof, and when I got there, I was blinded by a strong sunshine and very hazy blue skies… And in the near distance stood the Empire State Building without a doubt. I had again a camera around my neck, but this time the sun was so strong that I wasn’t sure if I would be able to take a good picture of the vista.
The light was just bouncing off the pure white stone of the roof terrace on which I was standing, making it shimmer like diamond dust.

After that, another dream started, but this time I wasn’t in that dream, I was watching the dream like a movie. I barely remember it, but it was about a guy who convinced 3 people to follow him to become movie stars or something, so they went with him and he turned out to be some sort of psychopath who broke their faces with horrible things I don’t even know how to call them - I remember shifting violently as I saw him about to stick something in each eye. All I really saw was the people’s faces covered with a piece of cloth as he broke every bone. Then a friend of the man came over to check up on what was going on, and it became clear that he, too, believed that the man was supposed to help them become movie stars and when he heard that he’d broken their faces, he said something like “My god, you went too far!”… but then the three people walked into the room looking so beautiful and happy… completely oblivious to the pain they must have gone through.

Then came the last dream of the night… In this one, I went shopping to buy a red plastic bucket ( strangely looking like one kids use to build sand castles) and I remember feeling so relieved to find that there was one left on the shelves… So I bought the bucket and then found myself watching a movie in the cinema. I have no recollection of what I was watching, but right at the end of it, just as everyone was starting to leave, a very old lady who looked like the bloody Queen started talking to me about how good the play was, and I remember thinking: “it wasn’t a play… it was a movie.” At the same time, I was silently wondering if she really wasn't the Queen, but I couldn't be sure, so I kept the doubt to myself. I smiled at her politely and made my way out when I realised I’d forgotten my red bucket, so I went back to my seat to pick it up. It was right there on the floor and I remember feeling relieved that it was still there. The old lady was still there as well, smiling at me and trying to make small talk with me. She seemed to have no intention to leave the auditorium and I remember just standing there with my red bucket in hand, listening to her. Then everything went hazy...

Some eventful night I had, eh.

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