What a cold and windy day in london... The Earth is wet with sorrows that bear no known language to Man.
Yesterday I went to the library and chose a few CDs to listen to in the peace and quiet of my bedroom... and I came across the one music I'd been searching for since I was around 12 - but I could never remember what it was called, or who the composer was, for that matter. I could only remember the enchanting melody itself, forever engraved in my mind. It was from Rimsky-Korsakov, and it's called Sheherazade. My aunt had bought me the CD as a Christmas present because I think she had no idea what to get me, and she probably picked that music at random.
Then that CD broke by accident, and I forgot what it was called because I simply have a hard time paying attention to names and such details. Soon after listening to such music, I developped a taste for soundtracks and every time I would watch a movie whose music would get to me, I would buy its soundtrack. For someone who tends to feel as much as I do, it isn't really surprising that I should appreciate these kinds of melodies, for they are designed to capture emotions on screen. And I'm a catcher of emotions, for better and for worse.
I never really liked superheroes... I prefere the anti-hero type. The shadow in the corner, the misunderstood ghost that started off as good but lost himself somewhere down the line so deep that in the end nothing much of the goodness remains... but if one looks hard enough, they can see that the goodness is still there, buried deep within.
In the story I wrote, about that little girl who escapes into another world - my version of Utopia, I guess -, the bad guys are given a voice almost just as strong as the 'good' guys. That's because I don't believe in clear-cut notions of Good and Evil. Who am I to decide who is bad, and who is good? Why don't you make up your own mind yourself based on the facts and circumstances?
My favorite moment of the story occurs when the girl is captured by the bad guys. As she faces the 'evil' Lord, it becomes clear that he is a highly intelligent man with much depth and feelings... Another allegory emerges, that of knowledge and how knowing in itself means nothing because the key always was this: what does one do with the knowledge they gain?
The man knew so much... but this knowledge was defeated the moment he failed to seek what he was meant to do with it.
The girl would have lost herself at that moment... she would have slipped away and lost her true self, if it were not for a fateful meeting with one boy who never said much, but when he did speak, he gave her the key to always preserve the I within.
I find myself unable to complete this story, though. First of all, it's LONG. Second of all, I could only get to write it in bursts of inspiration throughout the past 3 years. And third of all, I am in no rush to finish it because if it's meant to be completed, then it will complete itself, somehow. But my, I do love my characters... I fell in love with them whilst working on a second draft, actually. Surprisingly enough, I began to feel more for some of the secondary characters, and when this happened, I realised it was my mind's way of telling me I had neglected their storyline within the story itself.
Anyway... I once read this famous story called The Alchemist by Coelho. It was about a young boy who sets off on a journey to find his 'happiness' I suppose, or his fullfillment, or dream. He seeks a treasure he is destined to find, but has to get past many obstacles along a very long journey that takes him to many different places all the while following signs. One striking moment in the story is when he meets with an old man who owns a teashop, or something of the sort (I can't really remember the detail that much). As the boy is by then pennyless, he asks for a job there and the old man agrees after some persuasion. They start talking about dreams in life, and the old man tells him he always dreamed of visiting the Mecca but never got around to doing it. When the boy gives him ideas to expend his shop, the old man dismisses them because he is already 'happy with what he has'. The point here was to show that many people stop before reaching the height of their dreams - they stop mid-way before they can reach their true fulfilment, meaning that they become comfortable with second-best or better than nothing, and soon enough they have given up on their most inner dreams.
The boy doesn't give up, though... He carries on with his journey, and even when he finally meets the girl of his dreams, he leaves her behind because he still needs to first find his treasure - his fulfilment, or most inner dream - with the promise that he will come back for her once his quest is over. The story ends exactly where it begun... When the boy finally finds the treasure, it turns out it was always where he had first been - except that to find or see it, he had first needed to go through all these obstacles in life. Once he has fulfilled himself, everything else, all the secondary dreams, fall into place, and he gets everything, including his love.
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