It's raining outside... a mist of rain, really. It's strange to have a man in the house. My uncle arrived last week. Mum actually went to fetch him all the way from that tiny town where she was born and grew up because she is trying to rekindle her family relationships. Whatever dude. That family is so fucked up, I'm actually thankful I was never taught the language. That means they can't talk to me, and they can't bullshit me with all their nonsense. She just hit the big five zero, maybe that's why... For what it's worth, I think my uncle has become her new pet project. She got it into her head that it was time for her to save the man, so she brought him over here to stop him from drinking himself to death (he is a middle-aged divorced alcoholic). That also means I am no longer the centre of her universe and... It feels liberating. It means that maybe, just maybe, I'll finally be able to do the things that matter to me without having to constantly worry about her.
Still, it's strange to have a man in the house. It makes me more conscious of my environment, although not so much that I would suddenly start caring about what may be expected of me.
The one thing that seems to have changed is that I haven't once sat down with mum just to talk in weeks. We're like two strangers exchanging a few words here and there when I pop out of my room into the kitchen or living room. She goes to work before dawn and usually isn't back before the evening. Once she's back, she sits in the kitchen and talks in her native language with her brother. I don't mind at all, actually... At least it makes it much easier to hide the sorrow eating at me at the moment.
My uncle must think I'm very strange, which at this point seems to be a correct assumption to make about me. I feel quite detached from everything and everyone right now... I keep to myself and go along with only the bare expectations so I don't get any hassle from anyone. The cat remains always by my side, of course... My little furry companion who happened to grow so deeply attached to me because I got him as a tiny kitten... It's better than nothing, isn't it?
I'm spending too much time on the computer as well... Listening to music, typing away my thoughts, gazing out the window at the sky for ages... It makes me laugh when I think that my uncle must be very surprised that I don't act like any person my age. He's used to a much old fashioned kind of living, in a way. Most of my cousins are either married by now with children, or they are pursuing a career of some sort. Yet it emerged that I am the only one in the family to have actually gone to university. All the others either got married, or started working straight out of high school. I'm also the only 'artistic' one out of that lot, in the sense that nobody else shares an interest in things like writing, painting or music. Talk about feeling outside the box.
I don't do anything around the house, I don't even bother to help with chores because I never really had to, but I think it surprises my uncle. He's used to seeing the girls spending their time in the kitchen or looking after the house in general. I just don't care. I can't bring myself to think that such things are of importance.
Today is Saturday, it's exactly 12.48pm as I type these words... Since the weather is foul I might spend most of my time loafing around the house with a rather empty gaze. If my mum or uncle smile at me, I'll smile back for sure. I'll even throw a stupid joke here and there for the sake of keeping up appearances. I might go to the library later and rent movies. A few CDs also. I still need to build up my classical playlist. I'm fed up with fake music, although I still enjoy some from time to time, but I prefer old songs these days.
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