13/08/10

It's 10.58am exactly as I type these very words... A flurry of thoughts and emotions are twirling in my head...

It feels.... as though I found a way to that tiny breach out of reality in my head at least... And I never want to let go.

Eyes wide open I dream and sigh, like a silent whisper... And if all this is but a dream, can I please never be made to wake up from it?

I am so naive... As naive as a child can be, I suppose, which is why I can relate to little ones so easily... why I lose myself in the simplicity of moments.... Always aiming to live that precious moment Time relentlessly turns into memory.

And there is no tomorrow, of course. Only today... until today fades away in the night.

This one life we have... I will never understand how it is possible for anyone human not to be willing to risk it all to reach for more... even if all fails, and despite all the pain... Why be alive at all if all life will ever be is what others dictate it should be?

But... I have a very different outlook from most. I know what pain is. I had quite a few rough life experiences in my life... it was never so bad in the sense that you can always find someone who went through worse things, but it was enough to push me to the brink... of realising that this life as we know it... it isn't serious. It isn't valuable. It is just... existing because we happen to be here.

So... Ironically... Instead of destroying me, pain led the way to a burning desire to always seek more. And that is why, despite my natural loathing of suffering, I know deep down how important an aspect of human life it becomes.

The only thing that can destroy you is death. Until then there is always - always - hope. Dreams... even if a monster always take our dreams away.

Anyway... It's windy outside... I should get up from that chair and eat something, really... I'm going to make an effort and drag myself back into the cold reality of things, sit at the kitchen table with my uncle and ask him what he would like to visit today.

And just as I write this... Rain starts pouring!..... This is truly amazing. That means I may just be able to indulge in plan B of the day, which would be going to the movies...