Still feeling depressed. That's about the only 'feeling' I can sense in me, apart from that there's just emptiness.
The price to pay for self-awareness is that we realise we are alone, each and everyone of us. Some manage to turn it into 'being alone', which is very different from being lonely. Accepting that we're always alone in life means that we can positively relate to that state, whereas feeling lonely only expresses the lack of acceptance of that inherent state of being that is attached to our ability to be self-aware.
We can socialise all we want, and build all the family units we like, it can never remove the fact that we're always all alone.
I feel so empty... I've never felt more beside the point, or perhaps I have, but it always feels worse and worse with time, never better.
I've been keeping myself busy with work, but even there things aren't great. It doesn't matter what I do, I seem to be the kind of person who always ends up drawing the short straw.
Just going through the motions, everyday repeating itself, weeks and months lost in a mist. The heroine inside my head is crying.
Broken thoughts, soul, spirit, words, everything...
I feel so much like a pariah in this life, even as I sit doing nothing, even as I sit saying nothing.
Weeks and months turn into years, and years turn into a coffin.
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