I still wonder what makes people act so irrationally in reality even when they are quite capable to reason well in theory.
Maybe we're all caught up in the same web and for many it's just easier to go with the flow... Language itself ensures that the process of rationalisation is made easier.
I'm loving this term 'rationalisation' far better than uniformity, because it does encapsulate the whole meaning of what is happening to the world and its people. In just one word that is usually used to describe businesses and corporations... I think it applies to populations just as much and just as accurately.
I just came back from a shopping trip with my uncle. We had a sunny walk all the way to the nearby supermarket and he kept talking to me in his language even though he knows I don't understand more than a few words at best. That didn't seem to bother him in the least, so I was just nodding as though I actually understood what he was on about.
At some point I felt I had to pretend that I was actually listening, so I stopped him and gestured to show him I wasn't getting him. He began to mix random English words along with a couple of other languages beside his own. As if mixing words of German and Russian together would actually make more sense to me! That really didn't help, but I nodded my 'understanding' regardless because... I was getting a headache.
As we got to the supermarket, he told me something about 'lotto', and that I understood at once. he wanted to play the lottery. In fact, he had spent hours this morning thinking about what numbers to play...
He just got paid for his job and the moment he got paid he went straight to the shops to buy things. That was last friday. He bought food even though the fridge was full, and I don't know what else he bought as I wasn't interested to know.
So he wanted to play the lottery. I bit my tongue and said nothing. I watched him spend twenty pounds on that crap. When he turned around with his tickets in hand to face me, his face was flushed with excitement. He said something like "maybe I'll win this time" and I just... I just bit my tongue harder I guess.
I guess if it wasn't for the language barrier I could have tried and explained my view... but he is a very stubborn man of the worst type - the kind that will never own up they are wrong even if the wrong stares them in the face.
I used to feel extremely angry and frustrated at the nonsense around me, but where did that lead me? I spent my time being more passive, feeling powerless and caught up in my own sense of desperation.
Let me tell you one thing for sure: this ain't a great way to be. After more time, it will just make me grow bitter and numb to everything... and there you go, society wins again.
Whether I like it or not, i am part of society; I am, just like everyone else, a part of the whole.
I need to be in the world, but not of the world. That really means that while I need to be a part of it, I don't have to become the way everyone else is or become. I can be a part of it without being in any way the same as it expects me to be. I can shape and eventually impose my own path and vision.
And also... I am emotions. That' s exactly what will give me power one day, while also being the very thing that could lead to my own destruction and that of others if I don't learn to control my beautiful, innate gift.
And I need love in my life, always have, always will. I don't care what that makes of me, but there you go. I need to have love in my life to bring a balance to it and then expend my mind. No matter how I look at it, Love is what brings me hope and a strive to move forward rather than backward as I have had the tendency to do for so long.
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