Looking back on last year, I have a hard time believing that so many little things happened, because at the same time it feels like a distant memory already...
Did my uncle really come to stay with us all that time? He arrived in July, and then left for good in early December... All these months he was with us... And during all that time I was spending my time chatting online with mostly Indian people.
Then uncle left, and so did the chatters, one by one. Even the ones that had promised never to leave, they left. I don't know why I care? They all say 'it's the way it is with the internet.... you have to expect to hear from people one day, and lose touch with them the next, just like that...'
You know what? Chatting online is a trick of the mind that gives you the illusion of not being alone, but really, the reality never changes that you are alone.
It gives the illusion of making new, meaningful friends, and perhaps that is the case with one person you chat to out of 1,000 bad ones... But apart from that, you are never making real, 'meaningful' friends at all.... It's all an illusion that lasts as long as the people bother to show up online to chat.
Here's the painful conclusion I have to draw for myself: I have wasted the last 6 months of my life chasing ghosts.
So... where to go from there?... That's the big question that torments me now... How to make the pain in that heart of mine stop long enough for me to finally be able to catch my breath?
No comments:
Post a Comment