Woke up with the worst pain in my arm. It'd actually started the night before and I thought nothing like a good night sleep to make it go away. I was wrong. When I woke up, I felt shooting pain whenever I moved it.
The pain didn't stop me from getting dressed, wincing and swearing under my breath. Isn't it one of the most frustrating things of all when your body is getting in the way of things you want to do? We take the easy, painless ways the body works for granted until pain strikes, I guess. Though we'd rather never experience pain, without it there would be no means for us to appreciate the opposite state of being. Contrasts and opposites, as always, make up the core of the living experience. Reaching a state of only 'happiness' or joy, without any more worries, fears or pains would be like a painting displaying only one single colour. You wouldn't even bother to know the name of that colour after a while, because that's all there would be, that single colour all over the canvas, and no contrasting one to bring it out. After a while longer, you wouldn't even notice that colour at all anymore.
That is why human existence precludes us from ever reaching perfection. We can only strive toward it as an ideal aim by bettering ourselves and our environment in general - but perfection itself is at best a single moment in time that cannot last for it would defeat the purpose of living by lasting. The paradox really is that by being able to reach perfection, we would instantly lose it because we would end up taking it for granted, meaning that it wouldn't be long before we start seeking beyond perfection itself. Or we would just stagnate in that 'perfection', which means we might as well be dead or frozen in time.
How does an abstract mind become concrete? Is it even possible?
If someone came to me tomorrow and said: "Aliska, you can leave real life behind and live through the realm of dreams only - as a mere floating current of thoughts," I would agree at once. I wouldn't even think about it, I would jump for joy and take it. Ultimately, that is what I always wanted since I was very, very little. That seems to be at the core of my contradiction within. I end up feeling like a caged lion cub who never got her wish granted to roam free, and with the years developed the defiance to prevent anything in this world from charming me.
I don't like human life. I don't like biological life on Earth. I don't like anything about this world, its natural laws, its clockwork mechanism. People try too hard to see 'beauty' in things, but the bottom line is that Life itself is mere flesh and blood moving around, getting eaten by predators or sickness, and making meanings up just to feel less pointless.
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