"Feels like fire...
I'm so in love with you
It hurts the soul
Make love your goal..."
I went out earlier to buy some food for the weekend. It was already dark outside by the time I stepped out the house, and with music blaring in my ears I walked down the long avenue. It's a good 20 -minute walk from there to get to the supermarket. Oblivious to everyone, the cars and flashing lights everywhere, I paid attention only to the ryhthm of my own footsteps, and soon enough I was lost in deep thought.
I was thinking about life in general, and what I was supposed to do next. I tried to be brutal with myself, questioning what it is exactly that puts me off so much from doing anything at all... Why am I not trying hard enough to find a 'good' job for instance? I mean, I'm bright, I could pretty much do anything if I put my mind to it... By now I could be anything I want - if that's really what I was after, of course. I could have been anything in this world, because I have the brains for it. Yet... I don't believe in anything this world has to offer... I could try and become 'somebody'... I mean, isn't that what most people aspire to become? They want to become 'somebody', get a good job that sounds good when you tell people what you do, that gets you good money, etc... There is something so intrinsically wrong about believing in that shit...
What I'm after, I'm afraid now I will never be able to find it anywhere because what it is I seek can't be seen with the naked eye. I'm a mystic, an idealist, a dreamer... The world turned me into an eternal drifter in search of the unfathomable.
I'm a phoenix bird bursting into flames time and time again only to be reborn the next moment. Not everyone can cope with that sort of creature, and I do understand that to an extend. And when I talk of being a drifter, I mean to have reached a stage where nothing concrete or material can ever hold a grip on you again, because you've already detached yourself from all that is fickle, bound to be lost, to reach the higher plane of existence. It makes you a drifter because you can no longer fit in with the rest of them who remain immersed in the limitations of a material reality. What you get to see with so much more depth, they cannot see. What you feel, they can barely guess. You become a drifter in search of what everyone else seeks to ignore: true meaning.
I suspect, and always have in a way, that the only thing that could ever tame me is love. Nothing else in this world can reach me. Not tame me in the sense that it would imprison me, far from it... It would finally give me that inner balance I've been seeking, or it would at least allow me to reach it within.
Either that, or inspiration. Inspiration is easier to find... if you have the eye within to see it in the most unexpected places... a wintry landscape that looks dead and boring to others, but to you, it whispers words of beauty and wonder... A lone crow standing on a blanket of leaves most would look at in disgust, but to you, it suddenly becomes the symbol of the notion of alienation in the way all the other birds remain at a safe distance from it... A child laughing on the swings... A sunset... a sunrise... Half a moon vanishing behind the gloomy veil of night...
I'm so in love with you
It hurts the soul
Make love your goal..."
I went out earlier to buy some food for the weekend. It was already dark outside by the time I stepped out the house, and with music blaring in my ears I walked down the long avenue. It's a good 20 -minute walk from there to get to the supermarket. Oblivious to everyone, the cars and flashing lights everywhere, I paid attention only to the ryhthm of my own footsteps, and soon enough I was lost in deep thought.
I was thinking about life in general, and what I was supposed to do next. I tried to be brutal with myself, questioning what it is exactly that puts me off so much from doing anything at all... Why am I not trying hard enough to find a 'good' job for instance? I mean, I'm bright, I could pretty much do anything if I put my mind to it... By now I could be anything I want - if that's really what I was after, of course. I could have been anything in this world, because I have the brains for it. Yet... I don't believe in anything this world has to offer... I could try and become 'somebody'... I mean, isn't that what most people aspire to become? They want to become 'somebody', get a good job that sounds good when you tell people what you do, that gets you good money, etc... There is something so intrinsically wrong about believing in that shit...
What I'm after, I'm afraid now I will never be able to find it anywhere because what it is I seek can't be seen with the naked eye. I'm a mystic, an idealist, a dreamer... The world turned me into an eternal drifter in search of the unfathomable.
I'm a phoenix bird bursting into flames time and time again only to be reborn the next moment. Not everyone can cope with that sort of creature, and I do understand that to an extend. And when I talk of being a drifter, I mean to have reached a stage where nothing concrete or material can ever hold a grip on you again, because you've already detached yourself from all that is fickle, bound to be lost, to reach the higher plane of existence. It makes you a drifter because you can no longer fit in with the rest of them who remain immersed in the limitations of a material reality. What you get to see with so much more depth, they cannot see. What you feel, they can barely guess. You become a drifter in search of what everyone else seeks to ignore: true meaning.
I suspect, and always have in a way, that the only thing that could ever tame me is love. Nothing else in this world can reach me. Not tame me in the sense that it would imprison me, far from it... It would finally give me that inner balance I've been seeking, or it would at least allow me to reach it within.
Either that, or inspiration. Inspiration is easier to find... if you have the eye within to see it in the most unexpected places... a wintry landscape that looks dead and boring to others, but to you, it whispers words of beauty and wonder... A lone crow standing on a blanket of leaves most would look at in disgust, but to you, it suddenly becomes the symbol of the notion of alienation in the way all the other birds remain at a safe distance from it... A child laughing on the swings... A sunset... a sunrise... Half a moon vanishing behind the gloomy veil of night...
Things fall into place when the time is right.
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