I looked out the window this morning and saw the clear blue skies and sunshine. I assumed it would be a warm, sunny day, so when I went out I didn't bother with a coat. I was wrong because despite the wonderful-looking weather it was in truth very cold.
Shivering as I walked down the street to run my errands, this unexpected coldness made me think about appearances and I laughed to myself.
When I got home I went to stand in the middle of my room and gave it a sweeping glance all the while wondering "what next". Nobody answered that question for me, not even my own mind. I felt my cat rubbing himself against my leg and almost envied him for his absence of thoughts. I wondered if it wasn't this absence of thoughts that allowed him to be content with basic things such as getting his food, his regular petting and care. So long as those are given to him, he looks and behaves like the happiest and satisfied animal on Earth.
I switched my computer back on and began watching TV series online, one episode after the other, really. I watched all the latest episodes of True Blood over the weekend, then I moved on to Gossip Girl, and just finished watching that pile of teenage crap called the Vampire Diaries or whatever. Next on my list is called Supernatural, and I'm sure I can find some more to watch after that. I actually enjoyed watching all these things, and it took my mind off for a while. I wonder if I keep stuffing my brain with nonsense and fantasy if it will dumb me down enough to start playing by the rules of this world. Maybe it will make it easier after a while?
Who cares... Everyone is the same intrinsically, we just pretend to be different in the detail.
I bought a few newspapers and magazines on the way back as well. I'm going to stuff my brain with current events and see what happens to my mind.
To say that I'm officially giving up on my self and all my naive ideals would sound a little too dramatic for my taste, but so what.
I feel just like Winston at the end of 1984, actually.
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