Nothing much I feel like doing today. It’s not that I feel bad, I just don’t have the strive for anything, because nothing appeals to me. Nothing really holds any true interest or purpose to me, so I can’t see the point in doing anything at all.

I would need to delude myself just like everyone else that everything we do in life somehow has a point - but the truth is that we only keep passing the time from the moment we are born till the day we die. In between these two events, we just keep building sand castles everywhere at random, always seeking our next fix - which would be those fleeting moments that feel like ‘happiness’.

I dislike such fleeting moments of happiness almost just as much as I dislike feeling miserable, for the main reason that these moments never last, they are like the carrot being dangled in front of one’s nose to ensure they’ll keep going and won’t get too desperate. What I mean to say is that such feelings are like in-built mechanisms that ensure we remain functional to an extent.

Fleeting moments of joy are like Life’s way of patting you in the back before kicking you down again when you least expect it but the effect remains the same: most of us will keep searching for that next moment of fleeting joy as if it were possible to make it last forever… Right.

The ideal itself of happiness must exist, but in itself it is part of the highest state that could ever be reached, and if we could reach it at any point during our lifetime then I wonder what would happen next. If pure and complete happiness could be reached, it seems to me that it would be akin to suddenly being frozen in one precise moment in time where all that is felt is that intense bliss provided by sheer contentment immersed in complete perfection. And then what? I guess it must be impossible for any imperfect creature to envision perfection in all its splendour.

Happiness was never the key. If anything, it is an in-built trick of the mind to ensure most of us will always possess the strive to do something, anything, without actually losing the will to live.

Every single one of us go through periods of what they will call ‘happy times’ or whatever, and for sure it makes for nice memories… But I noticed for myself that it was often during such times that I was less creative. It fits the pattern, doesn’t it? Aren’t most artists, for instance, at their most creative and insightful when they feel tortured?
I have yet to meet a ‘happy’ writer, or a happy painter, or a happy composer… I’m not talking about all the commercial drones producing art like some factory, by the way. And also by the way I am not an artist, I just really fancy the idea of being one.

What does hold true is that we need those fleeting moments of joy in life, but one should never assume that it is what one must go after as their main goal in life. These fleeting moments are just like aspirin tablets, you’re only supposed to get them when you have a headache. It’s only there to give you a boost to keep you going, nothing much else. Yet most people are hooked on the idea that they can somehow find ‘happiness’ as though it were something tangible one could buy off the shelves of a supermarket. And the new trend is to strive for a peaceful world where ‘every child matters’ or ‘every person must be saved’ or whatever… Come off it. The whole world is playing God with the equivalent of a toddler’s learning and understanding capacity.

Next time someone asks me 'who are you' I'll reply: "I'm everything you're not."