The night before yesterday I didn't sleep at all and I watched the slow rising of dawn against a dying backdrop of darkness. It was so beautiful... so quiet still, and peaceful. Then I fell asleep, shortly after 7am, and I dreamed that I was in Paris...
When I woke up, it was raining. I went to stand by the window and watched the horizon darken more and more, and I remembered I had things to do... but it was hard to focus because my mind was still in the most dreamy places. Sometimes there are no words to describe what feels so intense that you can actually feel it throughout your whole body... like a swelling wave inside of feelings so strong it makes it hard to breathe, but not in a bad way. Quite the opposite, actually.
And then I thought about how it never fails to amaze me how much trouble so many people take to put me down for being who I am while they let absolute idiots roam free… What I mean to say is that while I’m being put down for expressing myself in my own way, others who actually say the most stupid or hurtful things are embraced and even applauded. It makes no sense to me but it doesn’t change the fact that I’m always the one getting slaps in the face.
“You shouldn’t say this, you shouldn’t say that…”
"You shouldn't do this, you shouldn't do that..."
"You should be more like this, or maybe more like that..."
Should, should not, ought to, must, must not, have to... If such words were physical entities I would burn them down to a pulp. I really would.
If people don’t like being told everything exactly as it stands then they really need to freaking stop calling themselves people who "value" such things as honesty because the truth is, and I know nobody will like it, most people (and I really mean 99%) are deluded liars. All they have is opinions that rarely even match their actions.
Just open your eyes and observe for yourself... It's not that hard to see surely... How can you not see it?...
It seems that… All the thoughts that we have remain mere opinions unless or until those thoughts begin to match our actions. Being able to achieve that is so hard and rare in itself that it tends to explain all the ‘noise’ in the world… because all people can do is think and talk about their opinions, but it is never really reflected in reality, or when it is, it’s always a distorted version of what was thought in the first place.
An obvious example would be that of politics… Thinkers came up with theories, but when people tried to implement those theories, they failed so extraordinarily that it can only highlight our inability to translate ideals or theory (the realm of well-reasoned thoughts, that is) into reality. Why? There’s not one simple answer. The mere fact that language as it stands is such a poor medium to express our thoughts is one factor that leads to failure, I suppose. Then there is the on-going process of ‘going with the flow’ which really means that societies have the tendency to evolve randomly in the sense that they are never really in perfect control of the direction they are taking; they tend to go along with circumstances and events and react to them, thus not shaping themselves with any sense of clear direction but letting themselves be shaped. That is random. And that's what spawns chaos.
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